God says There's no Truth

(And God said)

There's no Truth
to the rumor that global warming
is the result of Suntan (formerly known as 666)
and me shutting down operations in Hell.
We are convinced that we have that problem completely under control.
As a matter of fact, we were thinking of applying the heat
to American automobile manufacturers,
in an atempt to get them to produce a car that is effecient
and works on the abundant alternative fuel source,
which their marketing people produce in mass quantities.
It is quite clear that they know how to produce a car
that is bullshit-based,
and we want to see them put their concepts
where their mouths are.

As a matter of fact, bullshit
is human primates' most abundant natural by-product.
And while the oil companies and tobacco industry
might eventually run low on supplies, we know that
governments everywhere can be counted on to exceed their past production.
They're full of it.

(Thus saith the Lord)