GOD AND SATAN RECONCILE

(In today's press briefing God said)

I’m big enough to forgive anyone and anything.
And since I’m all-powerful and all-knowing,
I can be very charming and persuasive.
I don’t need to resort to threats
of smiting and pestilence and stuff like that.
It’s that "unconditional love" thing
you human primates are always clamoring about,
and which you say I’m the prime example of.
So, Voila! We’re shutting down Hell,
and turning off the heat.

(Turning to the former Prince of Darkness, God asked)

Do you want to say anything?

(Satan said)

Just that I’m awfully sorry, really.
It was all just a big misunderstanding
in the first place.
And by the Way,
I’m changing my name to “Suntan."
Oh, and I'm down to a slim 555 from my former 666.
I feel so much better.