(And the Universe said)
Human primates are like cuckoo clocks.
Each one is set to go off at its own time.
Sooner or later the one in front of you
Is going to go cuckoo.
When are you set to go off?
2006-07-31
2006-07-30
2006-07-29
More of Less than a Good Thing
(Bishop Keller said)
I don't want to lose half a good thing.
49% is more appealing.
I'm losing less than I'm missing.
I don't want to lose half a good thing.
49% is more appealing.
I'm losing less than I'm missing.
2006-07-28
First Look Under the Bed
(OB1 said)
Do not fear God;
fear what human primates do with the idea of God.
Do not fear God;
fear what human primates do with the idea of God.
2006-07-27
Either/Or, and/or More or Less
(OB1 observed)
Sometimes
the importance of a spiritual path
is not in how much it fills you,
but in how much it empties you.
Conversely . . .
Sometimes
the importance of a spiritual path
is not in how much it fills you,
but in how much it empties you.
Conversely . . .
Identity
(And OB! said)
One Sunday morning, several years ago, I stood alone in the sacristy of the inner city church I served in Houston, Texas, vesting for communion. I was having my usual argument with God about the way he was running the universe, while I put on layer after layer of vestments, all appropriate to liturgical renewal—collar, cassock, alb, amice, cincture, stole, and chasuble. And I felt miserable, because it seemed as if my life were falling apart.
For years I prayed fervently to God. I wanted clear, unambiguous answers to all my questions. I reasoned that if God wanted me to “get it,” he would speak to me in clear, simple terms, and I would not be confronted with multiple, conflicting claims to the truth. In the scriptures I thought I was promised that all I needed to do was knock, and the door would be opened. I was frustrated by the same response I got every time I asked, “God, who are you?” The Silence always seemed to answer back, “Who are you?”
So it was, on that particular Sunday morning, while I stood in the sacristy, mentally pounding on God’s door and demanding answers, as I looked at my reflection in the mirror to make sure my vestments were proper, neat and straight, the Door opened, and a voice spoke to me. I was stunned. The voice seemed to come out of the air, slightly behind and above my right shoulder. As I looked at my full, vested reflection in the mirror, the voice said, “You’re putting yourself on.”
What is important about that experience is not that I thought I heard a voice speaking out of thin air, but that I understood its clear, simple meaning. I knew at that instant I stood face-to-face with an important decision. So I chose. Beginning immediately with my vestments, I started taking my self off. That day I took an unexpected turn on my spiritual path—inward, through the open Door.
One Sunday morning, several years ago, I stood alone in the sacristy of the inner city church I served in Houston, Texas, vesting for communion. I was having my usual argument with God about the way he was running the universe, while I put on layer after layer of vestments, all appropriate to liturgical renewal—collar, cassock, alb, amice, cincture, stole, and chasuble. And I felt miserable, because it seemed as if my life were falling apart.
For years I prayed fervently to God. I wanted clear, unambiguous answers to all my questions. I reasoned that if God wanted me to “get it,” he would speak to me in clear, simple terms, and I would not be confronted with multiple, conflicting claims to the truth. In the scriptures I thought I was promised that all I needed to do was knock, and the door would be opened. I was frustrated by the same response I got every time I asked, “God, who are you?” The Silence always seemed to answer back, “Who are you?”
So it was, on that particular Sunday morning, while I stood in the sacristy, mentally pounding on God’s door and demanding answers, as I looked at my reflection in the mirror to make sure my vestments were proper, neat and straight, the Door opened, and a voice spoke to me. I was stunned. The voice seemed to come out of the air, slightly behind and above my right shoulder. As I looked at my full, vested reflection in the mirror, the voice said, “You’re putting yourself on.”
What is important about that experience is not that I thought I heard a voice speaking out of thin air, but that I understood its clear, simple meaning. I knew at that instant I stood face-to-face with an important decision. So I chose. Beginning immediately with my vestments, I started taking my self off. That day I took an unexpected turn on my spiritual path—inward, through the open Door.
2006-07-26
Enjoying the View
(And the Universe said)
You are always at the point of departure,
and always at the point of arrival,
and everywhere in-between.
You are always at the point of departure,
and always at the point of arrival,
and everywhere in-between.
God Invents Politics
(And Universe said)
The only reason God told you not to eat from
the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil
in the Garden of Eden
was to keep you from becoming ignorant.
Dang!
The only reason God told you not to eat from
the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil
in the Garden of Eden
was to keep you from becoming ignorant.
Dang!
2006-07-25
Tea with Bishop Leavitt
OB1 said, “I wonder if any of us will survive.”
OB2 said, “None of us have so far.”
OB2 said, “None of us have so far.”
2006-07-24
God says There's no Truth
(And God said)
There's no Truth
to the rumor that global warming
is the result of Suntan (formerly known as 666)
and me shutting down operations in Hell.
We are convinced that we have that problem completely under control.
As a matter of fact, we were thinking of applying the heat
to American automobile manufacturers,
in an atempt to get them to produce a car that is effecient
and works on the abundant alternative fuel source,
which their marketing people produce in mass quantities.
It is quite clear that they know how to produce a car
that is bullshit-based,
and we want to see them put their concepts
where their mouths are.
As a matter of fact, bullshit
is human primates' most abundant natural by-product.
And while the oil companies and tobacco industry
might eventually run low on supplies, we know that
governments everywhere can be counted on to exceed their past production.
They're full of it.
(Thus saith the Lord)
There's no Truth
to the rumor that global warming
is the result of Suntan (formerly known as 666)
and me shutting down operations in Hell.
We are convinced that we have that problem completely under control.
As a matter of fact, we were thinking of applying the heat
to American automobile manufacturers,
in an atempt to get them to produce a car that is effecient
and works on the abundant alternative fuel source,
which their marketing people produce in mass quantities.
It is quite clear that they know how to produce a car
that is bullshit-based,
and we want to see them put their concepts
where their mouths are.
As a matter of fact, bullshit
is human primates' most abundant natural by-product.
And while the oil companies and tobacco industry
might eventually run low on supplies, we know that
governments everywhere can be counted on to exceed their past production.
They're full of it.
(Thus saith the Lord)
GOD AND SATAN RECONCILE
(In today's press briefing God said)
I’m big enough to forgive anyone and anything.
And since I’m all-powerful and all-knowing,
I can be very charming and persuasive.
I don’t need to resort to threats
of smiting and pestilence and stuff like that.
It’s that "unconditional love" thing
you human primates are always clamoring about,
and which you say I’m the prime example of.
So, Voila! We’re shutting down Hell,
and turning off the heat.
(Turning to the former Prince of Darkness, God asked)
Do you want to say anything?
(Satan said)
Just that I’m awfully sorry, really.
It was all just a big misunderstanding
in the first place.
And by the Way,
I’m changing my name to “Suntan."
Oh, and I'm down to a slim 555 from my former 666.
I feel so much better.
I’m big enough to forgive anyone and anything.
And since I’m all-powerful and all-knowing,
I can be very charming and persuasive.
I don’t need to resort to threats
of smiting and pestilence and stuff like that.
It’s that "unconditional love" thing
you human primates are always clamoring about,
and which you say I’m the prime example of.
So, Voila! We’re shutting down Hell,
and turning off the heat.
(Turning to the former Prince of Darkness, God asked)
Do you want to say anything?
(Satan said)
Just that I’m awfully sorry, really.
It was all just a big misunderstanding
in the first place.
And by the Way,
I’m changing my name to “Suntan."
Oh, and I'm down to a slim 555 from my former 666.
I feel so much better.
End Times
(And the Universe said)
The Earth is a big asylum for human primates.
When each of you compares yourself with everyone else,
you think you’re the sanest one there.
You tolerate those you think are only slightly crazy,
and you want to eliminate the ones you think are totally wacko.
What will happen when there are only two of you left?
The Earth is a big asylum for human primates.
When each of you compares yourself with everyone else,
you think you’re the sanest one there.
You tolerate those you think are only slightly crazy,
and you want to eliminate the ones you think are totally wacko.
What will happen when there are only two of you left?
2006-07-23
2006-07-22
Appreciation for the Divine
(Bishop Keller said)
God is a great gimmick.
(And the Universe said)
I agree.
God is a great gimmick.
(And the Universe said)
I agree.
2006-07-21
Stop It.
(OB1 thought)
I wonder how we will annihilate ourselves--
Through unbridled multiplication, or
Incessant ideological division.
I wonder how we will annihilate ourselves--
Through unbridled multiplication, or
Incessant ideological division.
2006-07-19
OB1's Inner Conflict
(OB1 said)
I'm frustrated and confused by the conflict I have with my feelings and thoughts and behavior. I have such a struggle between compassion and the desire to retaliate against my "enemies."
(And the Universe said)
Everything in you comes from the same place. You don't perceive this, because you only perceive effects, not the central cause at your core. All these emotions, thoughts, behaviors and doubts come from that core. Each struggles in its own way to accomplish the same end for you. You human primates call it "survival." I call it, "Love of Existence."
It is your Love of Existence, which learns how to act and feel and think at so many different, forgotten times in your life, each one to fulfill its appointed mission for you. Each seed planted is so subtle, it can take root in you without your conscious awareness. And so you eventually come to feel dissonance among these seemingly conflicting expressions.
Yet, they all come from the same place. If you would be compassionate, begin by being compassionate with yourself and the inner conflict you experience. If you would forgive others, begin by forgiving yourself.
In the beginning I was, and I knew I was. And I loved it! Wow! And the Universe you/Me unfolded from there.
Learn to experience Me in you, as your Love of Existence--my Love of Existence, manifesting in you, as you. Try turning inward, to each experience of inner conflict you have, and say, "Thank you. I know you are trying to do something for me. I'm not exactly sure what, but I know you're there, and I will try to learn how you express my Love of Existence. I get the signal. Now I'll work on getting the message"
(And OB1 said)
I'll have to think about this.
(And the Universe said)
You don't have to, but you can.
I'm frustrated and confused by the conflict I have with my feelings and thoughts and behavior. I have such a struggle between compassion and the desire to retaliate against my "enemies."
(And the Universe said)
Everything in you comes from the same place. You don't perceive this, because you only perceive effects, not the central cause at your core. All these emotions, thoughts, behaviors and doubts come from that core. Each struggles in its own way to accomplish the same end for you. You human primates call it "survival." I call it, "Love of Existence."
It is your Love of Existence, which learns how to act and feel and think at so many different, forgotten times in your life, each one to fulfill its appointed mission for you. Each seed planted is so subtle, it can take root in you without your conscious awareness. And so you eventually come to feel dissonance among these seemingly conflicting expressions.
Yet, they all come from the same place. If you would be compassionate, begin by being compassionate with yourself and the inner conflict you experience. If you would forgive others, begin by forgiving yourself.
In the beginning I was, and I knew I was. And I loved it! Wow! And the Universe you/Me unfolded from there.
Learn to experience Me in you, as your Love of Existence--my Love of Existence, manifesting in you, as you. Try turning inward, to each experience of inner conflict you have, and say, "Thank you. I know you are trying to do something for me. I'm not exactly sure what, but I know you're there, and I will try to learn how you express my Love of Existence. I get the signal. Now I'll work on getting the message"
(And OB1 said)
I'll have to think about this.
(And the Universe said)
You don't have to, but you can.
2006-07-18
Dichotomy
(And the Universe said)
“I don’t know” and “I know”
are each certain and uncertain
at the same time.
“I don’t know” and “I know”
are each certain and uncertain
at the same time.
2006-07-17
Cheat Fairly
(And the Universe said)
People who complain about things not being fair
need to learn how to cheat more effectively.
People who complain about things not being fair
need to learn how to cheat more effectively.
2006-07-16
Bon Appetit
(OB1 said)
When I complained to the Universe about something not being "fair,"
he/she/it/they told me to think about it the next time I ate lobster.
"Look into the tank, and as you select your meal,"
he/she/it/they said, "think about what's fair.
"Could it be that the only time you're concerned about 'fairness,'
is when you're seeking an advantage?
"Bon appetit!"
When I complained to the Universe about something not being "fair,"
he/she/it/they told me to think about it the next time I ate lobster.
"Look into the tank, and as you select your meal,"
he/she/it/they said, "think about what's fair.
"Could it be that the only time you're concerned about 'fairness,'
is when you're seeking an advantage?
"Bon appetit!"
2006-07-15
Divine Direction
(After many prayers in which human primates asked to be shown the way, the Universe said)
Follow the cheese.
Follow the cheese.
2006-07-14
Take a Breath
(And the Universe said)
You might be right, but
Do you really understand?
And, if you understand,
Would being right be so important?
You might be right, but
Do you really understand?
And, if you understand,
Would being right be so important?
2006-07-13
2006-07-12
Right On
(And the Universe said)
Everyone likes the idea
of being right,
but not everyone likes the idea
of everyone being right.
Everyone likes the idea
of being right,
but not everyone likes the idea
of everyone being right.
2006-07-11
Only the Hungry Fish Takes the Bait
(And the Universe said)
You have heard it said, "Know thyself."
But I say to you, "Feed thyself."
You have heard it said, "Know thyself."
But I say to you, "Feed thyself."
2006-07-10
Honestly
(And the Universe said)
Human primates have an insatiable desire
for everyone else to be truthful.
Human primates have an insatiable desire
for everyone else to be truthful.
2006-07-08
2006-07-07
2006-07-06
2006-07-05
2006-07-04
2006-07-03
Biaslessness
(And the Universe said)
The only thing human primates truly do without bias
is the hierarchical application of the double standard
to everyone else.
The only thing human primates truly do without bias
is the hierarchical application of the double standard
to everyone else.
2006-07-02
You're It!
(OB1 said)
People intent on being offended will find a reason,
and you're as good a reason as anyone else.
People intent on being offended will find a reason,
and you're as good a reason as anyone else.
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